The dog that keeps malice

Max, my dog, was giving me the palm big time!
On Easter Monday, I had muzzled him, as I needed to bathe him with some liquid prescribed by the vet, that mustn't make contact with his mouth, and also trim off the hair that covered both eyes so that he could see properly.
Now, he hated the muzzle, hated being wet and hated the scissors so much he could smell it metres away; this made it a triple offence.
After the muzzle was off, I decided to appease him by giving him what he loved the most- going out.
I quickly leashed (his fav word) him up, and took him to get roasted corn, which he likes a lot.
He seethed as he walked reluctantly behind me. He refused playing with his leash as we walked neither did he enjoy it.
When we got back home, he ignored me.
In the evening, I went to church and came back with my parents. As usual, he came up excitedly, to greet us; on seeing me, he turned back and went to greet my parents. In his excitement, he came towards me again, but on seeing it was me, he immediately turned back to play with my dad.
Throughout that day, he gave me the side-eye.

Next morning, he ignored me as I prepared for work.
When I got back at even, he came out to welcome me, although he still held back as he didn't react in an excited manner, go crazy with happiness, alert my sister that I was back or await my arrival by sitting outside.
I then took him for a drive to the cash machine and the filling station. He refused sitting alone on the seat as he wanted to be close to me after missing me so much.
I laughed.
Funny, how he was the one who had missed me, yet caused the missing by keeping malice.

Sometimes in life, we get hurt by a friend or family. It's understandable to feel hurt by their action, but don't overkill it, especially after they've repented. Let the hurt go. Don't keep thinking about it. This, of course, doesn't mean you should put yourself in the hands of someone that would constantly break you, without repenting (apology is different from repentance). If you know this person keeps doing that particular thing that hurts you, without making any effort at changing, forgive them and readjust your relationship with them.
For Max, he knew I'd always been good to him, so he had no reason to forever block me out.

Also, if he wasn't thinking like a child, he would have noticed he could see better, as the fur blocking his view had been trimmed off. Same with us, we sometimes could feel hurt by some actions, which would benefit us in the long-run; if only we could look beyond the present, we would show more appreciation.

On a final note, I'll like to say: Start seeing where others stopped.

I beat F.E.A.R with all I had

Some people say FEAR means Forget Everything And Run.

This was exactly how I felt, as I stood, representing my group, in front of the Head of Risk Management and other members of the panel.

We were the most ill-prepared group in the entire training school.

We started preparations early, but due to one thing or the other, we were not ready.

That morning, while others polished their presenting skills, we were preparing (not even editing) our slides.

We hadn't finished when we were told to go to our classes, for the presentation.

We started zooming through the slides.

Suddenly, the guy in charge of the overall presentation came to our group and told us to use another financial data, which meant we had to discard the ones we had prepared several days ago.

Due to being pressed for time, we couldn't go through it, to check for completeness. If we had, we would have seen that the current year's data wasn't filled, and stuck to ours.

We went into the class, while some of us went to print copies of the slides, as stipulated, and got embarrassed by the man in charge, as others had done theirs much earlier.

There was still a bulky form to submit, and we hadn't filled a thing; neither had we gone through the new financial data, which we had just been instructed to include in our slides.

Like these weren't bad enough, we were yet to select the two members that would present, on behalf of the group.

Then the panel members entered.

Fortunately, we were going to be the 3rd to present.

While others were presenting/listening, we were hiding behind others to talk in hushed tones and pass notes on our plans.

It was a horrible experience!

My group members wanted another group member and me, to present. I acquiesced.

I then started going through the printed copies of the slides, when I realized that the financial data of the year being examined, was incomplete.

I lost my confidence immediately.

I told my group members I wasn't going to present anymore (I was the one to present the financial data) as standing before a crowd wasn't my cup of tea, then to now have to present incomplete financial data, which would make me appear clueless, would simply bowl me over.

The group before us were already presenting, so we had to decide fast.

My colleagues encouraged me to still go ahead.

I quickly scanned through the data, chose to be proactive about the missing data, by telling them that I'll have to use the previous year's data, as the current year's unavailable, and prepped myself up, to be ready.

Our turn had come!

With uncountable butterflies in my tummy, I got up, alongside my colleagues, and walked to the front.

When it was my turn to present, I stepped out and continued from where my Co-presenter stopped.

At a point during my presentation, F.E.A.R descended upon me, and I took a look at the door.

I kept talking, while thinking about how good it would be to just bolt out the door, and forget the presentation, but I carried on.

At the end, the financial data I was scared of was not faulted, since I had been proactive about it, instead of reacting to a complaint.

My group members and other colleagues kept congratulating me and telling me I did a fabulous job.

They said I looked so confident and well put-together, like I had been used to presenting.

When I told one of them about the FEAR situation, he found it hard to believe.

The results were announced soon after, and we came second!  

I was shocked!

Before the presentation, I expected our group to come last, but God helped us to beat the circumstances we were in, as well as the poor preparation, and we came second.

Incidentally, the group I had expected to come first, and seriously envied, based on their early preparation, team members with specialised skills, and eloquent presenters, came last.

I had learnt a great lesson.

LESSONS LEARNT

• It's been proven that most times, what we worry about never comes to actualisation, so shelve worry on the shelf.

There's a quote I read in a novel, and have held on to, for close to 2 decades; it goes thus "trying beats not trying". Better to try, fail and learn, than never to have tried at all. Take a step today.

If you're shaky when facing a crowd, never mind. The important thing is for you to have mastered the art of keeping a calm exterior. A lot of accomplished orators/speakers still get experience stage fright, but they've learnt to keep it hidden, while maintaining a calm, confidence exterior.

Believe in yourself. You can succeed. Instead of envying the gifts and blessings of others, sharpen and fully utilize yours and you will end up surpassing your self-expectations.

Put aside unhealthy comparison. Focus at being better than who you were, yesterday. Even the bible says that a wise man doesn't compare himself with others.

Be proactive, rather than reactive. If I hadn't explained the missing data, we would have been marked down, as I'll be questioned on it, and anything I would say thereon would seem to be mere excuses.

Never lie! There's no point. Asides the fact that it alienates you from God, who detests lying.

Never forget that with you holding on to God, you can never fall without rising.

WILL YOUR WAY OUT!

My sister was having one of those lazy days. She had taken tomatoes and pepper to the local grinder, and was back home.
Dad then told her to put the blended TomaPep in the freezer. She said she couldn't as the freezer was full.
An idea immediately sprung to mind: "I had to get her to 'will' a way out". I quickly chipped in and told her to go and boil the pepper to preserve it since the freezer was full.
I knew she was smart enough to figure out which method was easier.
She did!
Within minutes, her creative mind came alive, and she created room for the bowl of TomaPep.
I laughed and told dad I knew she would find room for the bowl; I just had to give her a tougher alternative.

Sometimes we need to be pushed to will a way out of tough situations by being given a tougher alternative.
Like the old saying goes "when there's a will, there's a way". You just need to be given a chance to have the will, once you do, you'll use that 'will' to find a way out of seemingly impossible situations.
Most times, we don't know we are able to do greatly, until a great task is forced upon us. It's then the strength that lies in us, unutilized, becomes useful.
Push someone today, by offering them a tougher alternative, and watch them beat their expectations.

How I beat my expectatio​n

I worked 13 days without a day's break!
I could have made it 20 days, but I decided to give myself a day's break.
I barely had time to think what I thought later "Is this me?"
If someone had told me I could wake up by 4am, get back home around 11pm mentally and physically exhausted, play with my dog, chat with my family before heading to bed, and waking up by 4am, the following morning, I'll have said that person didn't know me well.
Any other person, with a tougher personality could have easily achieved this, but I thought I couldn't. I didn't just think I couldn't, I had this self-assurance that I couldn't.
Honestly, I never believed that was possible.
I do have wild imaginations, but I couldn't even think this up!
But I did, but this time, it was reality.
I'll begin my day with E-learning lectures, of which I had to take notes, take an exam and score 80%. Besides that, we had almost unachievable deadlines. Once it was 9am, I'll go for classroom lectures, till 5pm (this could extend beyond that time) and sometimes, we would have tests after this. This was another achievement. I didn't believe I could sit and listen to another person go on and on, and I wouldn't sleep all through the class. Yes, I dozed, but I sat in front, always, so that was limited. I had to invent ways to stay awake...and doze a bit, uncaught (embarrassed look).
After that, I'll quickly get a system, and begin my exams or e-lectures till 9 or almost 10pm. Then there was book reviews and presentations between that time. It was a loaded 4 weeks of intensive training. This is the only time I've seen the word "intensive" used aptly.
That was the period I knew what brain saturation meant, experientially; my brain couldn't take a thing anymore.
Couldn't believe how much I had been under-utilizing my brain all these years!!!
Guess how I felt?
I felt fly!
It was cool being able to do all these, bending, yet not breaking.
To you all, I say: beat your expectations, break your personal bounds and watch yourself achieve greatness.

ARE YOU LIKE MY SIBLINGS? TRUST AgAiN

My siblings avoid buying bread from the market, as they've been deceived into buying bread that's almost stale, a number of times.
Last Sunday afternoon, my mum said she was going to buy bread there, and a chorus of disapproval rose up from them.
Even though I had also been 'bitten' I didn't mind as I'm always open to giving others/things, second or more chances.
Dad reasoned with them that my mum's good at selecting fresh bread and all, but they didn't believe him.
They were of the opinion that until the bread was tasted, one couldn't prove it's freshness.
It was finally proven that mum got 2 perfect loaves!
Funny, but a lot of people are like them.
Some go through life expecting the same thing that once happened to them, to happen again.
Thinking in absolute terms, rather than relative terms, has become the order of the day.
Let me give an illustration of what I mean by thinking in absolute terms, rather than relative terms.
It's common knowledge that daughter-in-laws (DIL) are said not to get along well with their Mother-in-laws (MIL).
THINKING IN AN ABSOLUTE TERM: Now, if I got married with the determination that I have to battle my MIL before I can have a peaceful marriage, then I'll hold on to that mindset, not minding if my MIL is a wonderful woman or a difficult woman, who can be softened, greatly, by care. Instead of this giving me the peaceful marriage I crave, I'll get the exact opposite, especially if the woman falls into either of the 2 aforementioned categories.
THINKING IN A RELATIVE TERM: If I go into marriage holding on to the belief that despite the widely-touted belief that DIL and MIL are like oil and water, I will get the best from the relationship once I do the needful. A lot of people may come and feed me with "you're not going to have a peaceful marriage because you haven't put your MIL in their place" but the exact opposite would happen based on factors I'll discuss another day.
Based on the above illustration, thinking in an absolute term involves "I've been IRREPARABLY hurt by bad friends, so I WON'T have friends anymore"; while thinking in a relative term involves "Even though I've been BADLY hurt by bad friends, I know good friends abound, so I'll be careful not to choose bad friends next time, and if I do, I choose to choose, again".
There's someone hurting, who's reading this post; I ask that you give TRUST a chance, again.
Give Life a chance, again!
Give Love a chance, again!
Give Laughter a chance, again!
Cheers.

Review on Jane Carter's "Nourish and shine"

Once upon a not-too-distant time, curlmart.com and I were great buddies.
I regularly visited it to check out products.
I would scan through reviews just to discover magic products that could get my hair looking nice and manageable.
During one of my numerous 'lust & get sessions', I came across Jane Carter's Nourish and Shine. The reviews and product description, tallied.
Tightly curled, as well as loosely-curled sistas, raved about how great it was and all that, so I added it to my cart.
I wasn't disappointed one bit!
The amazing thing is that it could also be used on the skin, and the ingredients are all natural.
USAGE:
After applying my leave-in, I use it to seal in moisture, concentrating on the ends. My ends immediately feel supple.
I just need a little, and Bam! my hair is all shiny, and soft.
I sometimes apply it in between washes.
It blesses my hair with a nice fragrance.
My palms also love it, cuz once I'm done with my hair, my palms rejoice in the paradise of 'softness'.
The ingredients are: Shea butter, kokum butter, Illippe butter, Mango butter, Vitamins A, D,& E, pear and grapefruit essential oils.
The only drawback this product has is that it's a tad expensive at $22 for a 4oz tub, but I got it during the '25% off' promo (yay!)
I'll like to add this: always remember that a little goes a long way. If you use too much, you run the risk of having greasy hair.
I'll definitely be buying again.
*whispering* shhhhh!!! let me tell you a secret. Whenever I'm going out, I stop by our reflecting window, and admire my hair as the sun highlights the shine (sigh of contentment).

***I wrote this review for my friend, Emmanuella's blog and decided to share it here, also.

God in Handcuffs

Today, I read one of the most beautiful note ever posted on Facebook. I couldn't put off posting it.
Do enjoy:

A friend of mine was narrating how he had gotten to the final stage in the selection process of an organization he so much wanted to work for but couldn’t make it through. What caught my interest was not the fact that he could not make the final stage of the interview. People fail interviews all the time, there’s nothing new there. What I was particularly interested in was the fact that about a year before this interview he had the opportunity to have enrolled for a course that would have helped him in answering the questions he was now being asked but he did not enroll for that course.

In Stephen Covey’s Time Matrix, he broke down all activities we engage in into four groups based on their urgency and importance. As a quick recap these were the four quadrants:

Quadrant 1: Urgent and Important (Necessity)

Quadrant one is full of crises; pressing problems demanding immediate attention e.g. a sick child, deadlines, very important meetings, etc.

Quadrant 3: Urgent but Not important (Deception)

Quadrant three is full of activities that are unnecessary but urgent. Like quadrant one they demand immediate attention but really add no value e.g. a ringing phone, a blackberry message, many emails, other people’s minor issues, interruptions.

Quadrant 2: Not urgent but Important (Preparation)

Quadrant two activities are where we are proactive because we have to deliberately do them e.g. building relationships, training, prevention, etc.  

Quadrant 4: Not urgent and Not important (Waste)

Quadrant four is full of wastes and excess. Activities that are done to escape from quadrants one and three e.g. watching mindless TV, playing useless games, etc.

The reality is that we all engage in activities that lie in the four quadrants. Irrespective of your expertise in time and life management, there are still some things that are outside your control. Once in a while, events will turn out such that the only option you have is to fire-fight: when you just have to drop all the big plans you have already planned out and just fire-fight to put back on track something you never planned for. You suddenly get a call that your child got involved in an accident, every other thing has to wait. Something urgent and important has come up.

But such occurrences happen once in a while. Most times it is our laxity in tackling issues very early that leads to most of the fire-fighting that we do. And then, as is common with most of us in Africa, we start binding the bind-ables and loosing the loose-ables. But like I reiterated in my note The Hand of God; The Hand of Man, God will not do everything for you. You have a part to play.

Affirming your love for your spouse verbally may not be an urgent task but it is very important. Following your child to that activity in his school is a task that you can defer, after all it will happen again next year, but it is a very important task. Reading a book is not urgent, it is always in your room, you can read it anytime, but it is a very important task. If you don’t discipline yourself to do important things that are not urgent, then you better have enough water in your tank because soon there will be several fires to quench.

When your spouse says, "It is over between us," saying "I love you" at that time will no longer fix your marriage. When you sit face to face with that interviewer, the best you can do is wish you had taken that course 6months ago when you had the opportunity. You may pray as much as you want at that moment, speak in the tongues of angels and of men, but at that moment you have placed God in handcuffs, there is nothing he will do for you. When the anointing of God rests upon a man, it is what it finds in the head of that man that it will work with.

You may find this hard to believe but I have not read a single book this year that has to do with the areas I write on. While I write on personal leadership, I have not read a single book on personal leadership this year 2012. For my personal development this year my focus is on financial intelligence and spiritual growth and every single book I have bought this year has been on finance or spiritual growth. The last time I read Seven Habits of Highly Effective People was 2005. But that was where I learnt about the Time Matrix that I stated at the beginning. I learnt and started practicing what I write about today over five years ago. In the same way by 2014 my focus on writing will be financial intelligence so I am already studying in that area and practicing the principles I am learning.

What amazes me the most is that the same person who could not let a ringing phone just ring; the same person who would cut short an important discussion to receive a phone call; the same person who cannot hear her blackberry beep without halting every other thing just to respond to a ping, will defer truly important things like preparation, planning, studying, training, etc. because he or she feels it is not needed now. These people don’t yet know the difference between an interruption and an important thing.

Things which matter most must not be at the mercy of things which matter least. People who live their lives in quadrant one will always be in crisis mode because urgent things act on us. These people usually have a problem with time management. Most problems don’t show up as crises. It is poor time management skill that makes activities become crises.

People who live most of their lives in quadrant three, focusing on urgent but not important things usually have problems with their value system. They mistake urgent things for important things. A ringing phone might be calling for your attention now, but most calls are not important. Most mails are not important but the moment they get the notice, "You’ve got mail," they halt every other thing to read the mail instead of having a set time when they read mails. Because they spend their time on urgent things that are really not important, truly important things are left undone until they become crises. And at this time the hands of God are cuffed.

Truly effective people do what is needful even when there are no indications that they need to do it now. They spend most of their time planning, building relationships, participating in training, studying, preparing, they also value recreation and exercise. They spend time and money on these activities because they know that spending time on these activities is an investment in their future. They hardly get into crisis mode. Nor do they lead irresponsible lives by living engaging in quadrant three and four activities.

You place God in handcuffs when you think that because something is not urgent it means it is not important and when it finally degenerates into a crisis you begin to ask, "Where is God?" when the truth is you have placed God in handcuffs.

Thanks,

Mute Efe.

+234-803-874-9796

N.B

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