Tuesday, 9 June 2015

Don't get married if...

If you don’t think or feel or see marriage as a sacred institution or your definition of marriage in your mind’s eye is synonymous to a meal of pounded Yam and Egusi soup for the rest of your life, then marriage is not for you yet, maybe never.
Do you only want to get married because you think it’s time or basically for procreation? If you answer to that question is yes…then don’t bother, it’s not a must! After all there are people who are not married yet enjoy the dividends of marriage as it were, and even so much more, so why the fuss?
The sacred institution called marriage has been trivialized and totally rubbished in recent times, it makes me wonder why we get married at all. If a marriage is no different from dating, then why can‘t some people just date and not get married if that will give them the leverage of breaking up at any point in time when they suddenly don’t feel good in that relationship or being with that supposedly God-sent partner anymore?
Why be in a marriage that offers choices for you to explore like it’s been practised in the so called civilized societies where a wife is free to bring in a man she wants to bonk into her husband’s house and intense sexual activities ensue in the full glare of the husband (same goes for her hubby)?
There are even instances where they decide to do a swinging as we saw in award winning movie, ‘IJE’ or partake in sex orgies. Also, there are situations where the wife organizes her friend or probably a prostitute for her husband to service adequately with no holds barred. In other bizarre circumstances the wife joins in the act to make it a threesome. Both take turns to indulge ‘the lady in red’ in their explicit sexual exposition in ways you are already imagining. It even happens with the man too; it’s vice versa. I suppose the couples are bisexual so they could get married and still exercise their sexual orientation in diverse ways only God can judge. These bizarre occurrences in marriages are gradually creeping into our cultured African society as is the case with open marriages which are forbears of open relationships. Our entertainment industry is a testament to that, where celebrities tie the nuptial knots just to fulfill all righteousness.
They call it adventure; others say it is a way to stop cheating, while a lot more think it brings excitement to marriage considering the fact that you have to spend the rest of life with that one special person. And I wonder how that person remains special after the aforementioned unholy preoccupations.
Why get married at all if the whole essence of marriage has been ridiculed? That institution called marriage has really been dealt cruel blows by man and if it were human, he would have gone on a killing spree that even a serial killer will be no match to his thirst for blood.

70% of young men in the US are unmarried because legal marriage in the USA gives women too much power. A true test of love, would you say? Anyway we are not in the United States.
These days 5 out of 10 marriages end in a divorce. Wait! You’ve not heard the worst yet; over half the marriages entered into today will end in a divorce/separation, doesn’t matter the number of years it last. So why go through all the public announcements, ceremonies, glitz and glam, if the end thereof is a divorce or the so called adventures. Why can’t we just continue living our reckless single lives? Isn’t that much better than being entangled in a holy matrimony that ain’t holy? At least it will save us the stress of having so much explaining to do on judgment day. Life itself is too much risk for us, why add the risk of getting married when you haven’t been able to scale through the numerous dating hurdles.

Marriage is so serious that if you have the slightest reservation about who you are getting married to then you shouldn’t join the bandwagon. If you do then divorce is not so far away from your wedding, even if you have set the wedding date, please don’t get married till you are sure you’ve seen no end to getting married to that special someone.
If all you think about when you see that special someone is sex then you guys are better off as bed mates than partners. We have a lot of them in Hollywood.

THE RED FLAGS
I will quickly talk about some issues that we rarely dwell on as a problem when marriage comes into perspective;
PROFESSIONAL ESTEEM:
“She’s a doctor, I should get married to her”
“He’s an engineer, we look good together”, abeg no try am!
There is more to marriage than professional advancements.
FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN
If you are scared of losing your partner while in a relationship for reasons only known to you, then the same reasons will make you eventually lose him before you get married, and if the devil is specifically on your case he will wait till you guys get married before the imaginable happens.

How many couples are actually married without an iota of regret?
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
If a guy/girl does as much as slap you while you are in a relationship with the person please think twice before you walk down the aisle with him/her; Physical abuse/ domestic violence is not so far away.
IT IS AN OBLIGATION
If you want to get married because he/she has been financially responsible for almost all your life’s dealings; more like he/she made you the person you are today. Then marrying him/her will be more like an obligation. Let your case not be like the newest trending quote:
“I belong to everybody yet belong to nobody”. Trust me, he could murder you for it depending on his temperament. It has happened in the past and still happening with reckless abandon.

Though love and hate are opposites only a thin line separates them
HOPE FOR A BETTER TOMORROW
If the problems or the challenges you face in your relationship doesn’t improve then don’t assume it will improve in marriage.
HOMOSEXUALITY
If you are an unrepentant gay and you think getting married will be unfair to your partner then don’t try it, except you want God to punish you. Marriage itself has its own demons why bring your personal demons into it? And if you were gay and along the line your sexual orientation changed, let your partner know about it; you can only die once.

Lonely bride
 PRESSURE
And if you are going down the aisle basically because of pressures, I don’t know what to say to you…The same people pressurizing you will be watching your marriage in 3D
LOVE AND MONEY
Uhm…this one is quite a sensitive one. You know I haven’t really talked about money and love in relationships yet, right? if I attempt to I fear this article won’t end, moreover that has been overemphasized in many other articles online. However, trust me I’m still gonna talk even if it’s just a sentence.
Don’t marry that man/woman because of love or money neither should you marry that man/woman without both…confused? All I’m saying is that there should be other genuine reasons you are getting married asides these two, let’s leave it that way. That’s does it.

Don’t marry for love and money, don’t marry without both either
Never ignore that subtle voice of reason in your head that tells a different story from the Nollywood tales you are accustomed to. That subtle voice is the reality you ain’t seeing yet.
A lot of youth don’t even have the slightest idea what marriage is about before they tie the nuptial knots. Please let’s get serious about this sacred institution, its more risky than dating; It’s till death do you part. Why do we have to marry if we don’t see divorce as any different?
Do you ever wonder how some couples manage to live together for years yet not married or near breakup? It’s because their minds and their brains are bereft of the idea of marriage, its commitments and sacrifices. They are still excited living their lives as singles though staying together. Marriage is a mindset, you have to format your mind and brain to the idea of being married, and you also have to realise it ends single life almost in its entirety. Above all you must be able to answer this question when asked at any point in your single life:

A man sheds tears on his wedding day when he imagines the beautiful future ahead, yea?
“Why do you want to get married?”
My dear, your answer to that question determines your readiness or if marriage is even meant for you at all
You wanna hear the truth?…I don’t even have an answer yet, probably I will before I end this article
Marriage is a hard decision, arguably the hardest decision you make in life depending on how you see it. The moment you start viewing it that way the better it is for you. If not, please continue being single, no be by force. The truth I know as always been bitter except you know another.

Why get married when you still have doubts?
Many ladies spend their single lives thinking about that perfect wedding and how glamorous their wedding will be so much that they forget that the ceremony itself is short-lived. Eventually no one cares about your wedding; your marriage is all that counts!
While many bachelors think about how stupidly expensive wedding is to the point that they drive thoughts of getting married from their sub-conscious.
If you must postpone that wedding because you don’t know why you are getting married in the first place, then please do. Postponing a wedding doesn’t mean you will not get married, it simply means you are not ready to take that final step. Remember, love doesn’t have a deadline.

An Indian wedding
Most importantly, be happy you are getting married not just for the ceremony that follows but for the beautiful future you envisage with your partner. If the future you see struggles with beauty and only dwells in the financial gains, In šāʾ Allāh! You will struggle in that marriage, no be swear.
Come to think of it, why would anyone want to wake up next to the same person day after day while you watch them sleep? God help you if the person you wake up next to is annoying and its going to be like that for 40 years or more. Chai! That’s suicidal; you will probably be planning their demise as you watch them sleep. We’ve seen, watched and heard the aforementioned scenario time and time again. That happens when you marry without really having a genuine reason why you did.

Eventually no one cares about your wedding, the marriage is all that counts
Next time a marriage proposal comes knocking on your door, don’t be carried away by that diamond ring, be certain you’ve thought about all the risks involved before you take that next leap of faith; that big and hard decision.
God help us all.
Lekan Linkin Lofinji
(Relationship Aficionado)

www.elsieisy.com/dont-get-married/

Saturday, 23 August 2014

No longer an alarm

I wondered why the inverter had suddenly become silent as I could longer hearing the "low-battery" alarm. I Paused to listen but I couldn't hear it still. Suddenly, I slowly started making out the sound. I realised that I had become so used to the alarm that it had become normal to me. Alas, it was no longer an alarm as my mend had silenced it. This is the same way the consciences of some people no longer warns them as it has been Silenced.
So many people no longer consider the effects of their actions as the Conscience that was placed there by God, to warn them whenever they are about to take a wrong, selfish step, has been silenced. No wonder we hear people Say that "my conscience didn't Prick me so there's nothing wrong in what I did". The Bible says " they have seared their Conscience with iron".
Please let's sharpen our Consciences So that they can work as God intended.

Thursday, 10 April 2014

Inspiring Couples' Words

Inspiring CouplesWords are easy to manufacture.
 True and lasting love, however, is not so easily produced … or sustained. In a world of bogus advertising and broken promises, it is easy—even natural—to be a little skeptical of words.
Words don’t cost us much and only the speaker can fully know the intent behind them. But when our words are reinforced by our actions—day after day, year after year—words can begin to seem trustworthy again.
The quotes below come from real couples who have earned the right to their words. Each was nominated by their friends, family or co-workers as an ‘Inspiring Couple’ for giving them a reason to believe again in love. They have learned—and lived—their words of wisdom through years of joy, companionship … and trials.

Words to Live—And Love By
“Have respect for each other and be honest even in the little things. Always put the needs of others before your own, and don’t let your love die.” – Randy and Cheri Blackwood (married since 1979)
“The biggest stumbling block couples face is unmet expectations – children, responsibilities, finances, etc. The more a couple discusses their expectations for every area of life, the better they can predict where their differences will be and deal with them objectively.” – Bob and Annette Wallace (married since 1992)
 “Love’s passion is wonderful, but it’s just as important that you really like and respect the person you are about to make a lifetime commitment to … Couples should ask themselves: Would I be friends with this person even if we weren’t in love?” – Bill and Shirley McConnell (married since 1953)
 “Have open expectations; setting unrealistic expectations will cause you to fail. Be patient, build trust, learn to communicate and forgive.” – James and Nancy Lawson (married since 1973, shown above)
“You have to be committed and protect your marriage at all costs. There is nothing you can’t work through. Even if you don’t feel like loving your spouse on hard days, you have the power to lead your heart.” – Kevin and Amanda Johnson (married since 2003)
 “Show respect for each other … be supportive and work together as a team. Enjoy quality time together but allow each other the independence to do your own thing and pursue personal interests.” – Jesse and Anita Martinez (married since 1948)  “Live a positive life – it’s contagious. Have a sense of humor, respect each other, learn how to communicate well and remember why you fell in love.” – Matt and Kelly Allen (married since 1991)
“Honor your commitment. The most important commitment you should have on this earth is to each other.” – Jim and Robin Riley (married since 1968)

These couples are not selling anything. But they are buying something—the idea that love can endure and a relationship can truly grow richer over time. Without at least believing in the possibility of enduring love, a lasting relationship is nearly impossible to achieve. Perhaps you don’t put too much stock in promises of eternal love and faithfulness. Perhaps you shouldn’t. But perhaps we should put a little more faith in the evidence of words in action.
Before you dismiss the relationship “testimony” of credible couples, ask yourself what the consequences are for losing faith in the concept of lasting love. Be sure it is a price you are willing to pay—and one that you really need to pay in the first place. Everlasting love may be scarcer than we’d all like, but it’s not a fantasy either. We are grateful to couples like these for reminding us that some couples really do grow old … and wise together.

 Source: twoofus.org

Wednesday, 2 April 2014

Celebrate our differences

I had a bit of misunderstanding with a friend, today, who was upset over something I didn't do, but which I thought I had done and I was upset that what I had done was disregarded as "not done";  this incident further knocked in a very important lesson I started learning last week.

We humans don't think, value, expect, regard, react, accept or laugh at the same things and that's the beauty of life.
Some people need to communicate regularly to keep the engine of a friendship oiled, while another may not speak to a friend for a year and when they hook up again, they relate as if there was no gap in communication.
What makes one person puke for minutes could get another in stitches, from laughter.
What could choke one person could be the 'fresh air' of another.
Now, to the event that started the learning process last week; while at the hotel, my room and bathroom were cleaned with a soap or something that had a very strong, choking fragrance. I couldn't stand it and opened all the windows, and turned on the A/C.
Later, I went to my colleague's room and they had cleaned his also. I complained about the choking smell to the brother,  who told me he actually (oh my goodness) liked the fragrance and obviously revelled in it.
I was beyond Shocked!
I never believed anyone would EVER be able to stand the smell, talk less of liking it.
I quickly picked up what I came for and ran away with the fragrance still clinging to my dress.
This got me thinking; What I thought could have literally knocked me out, was really liked by another,  yet I had no right to say that his like was disgusting, even if I was tempted to feel that way.

Because it isn't my cup of tea doesn't make it wrong or disgusting, neither does it make my taste higher or better.
Let's learn to respect our different ways of thinking.
Even if we disagree on personal opinions, it doesn't mean we can't, with civility,  discuss our differences with respect and regard for each other.

If we all thought alike,  the world would be one big, boring planet.
#thinkonthis #lifeisgood #Godissoamazing #thankGodfordifferences

Thursday, 23 January 2014

JUAN MATA LEAVES CHELSEA - LESSONS

It was with surprise, shock and disbelief that I read the news of Juan Mata’s departure to a rival club, Manchester United. The day before, I had read the news on Daily Mail (DM), but I thought DM was, as usual, spreading a rumour; immediately, I went to BBC’s football site, and gave a sigh of relief as there was no such news.
You can imagine my shock, when I decided to take a ‘stroll’ to BBC’s sport site this afternoon, and I discovered the news was already among the stale news. This just about soiled my day.
Before Jose Mourinho came back to Chelsea, this season, Juan Mata had been voted player of the year, for 2 consecutive seasons, by his Chelsea team mates, so selling such a bundle of talent and skills appeared to be pure madness, yet there wasn’t much visible protest from the fans.
Like a BBC columnist stated, if Rafa Benitez, the former Coach, who the fans merely tolerated, had sold Mata, there” would have been mutiny and marches along the King's Road”, but the ‘Loved One’ took that decision.
The Columnist went on to say that “Mourinho's word is law and accepted on trust. He is the untouchable one.” The fans would simply hope he has taken the right decision as he had won a PERMANENT PLACE in their hearts after making several right decisions for them and also making Chelsea a club that contended and won the top spot in the English Premier League (EPL).
Despite my groaning, it suddenly occurred to me that being the best player the seasons the club performed poorly (the last two seasons), might just have made Juan a ‘local champion’ of some sort, not worthy of a space in Mourinho’s EPL-winning team.

LESSONS
-          Winning the trust of people, overtime, is very important. In fact, it would cover for the times when you might take a few wrong decisions. Earning the trust of friends and loved ones might take time, but it would act as an umbrella in the rainy day.
Chelsea fans would have had Rafa’s head, if he had tried what Mourinho tried, but with Mourinho, they had and still have complete confidence in his decisions, with no one chewing his head over a few questionable ones.
-          Because someone is known as the star somewhere doesn’t necessarily mean they really are that good; they may actually be unable to measure up to a higher standard when such is demanded from them.

MENTOR A CHILD, TODAY