Tuesday, 9 June 2015

Don't get married if...

If you don’t think or feel or see marriage as a sacred institution or your definition of marriage in your mind’s eye is synonymous to a meal of pounded Yam and Egusi soup for the rest of your life, then marriage is not for you yet, maybe never.
Do you only want to get married because you think it’s time or basically for procreation? If you answer to that question is yes…then don’t bother, it’s not a must! After all there are people who are not married yet enjoy the dividends of marriage as it were, and even so much more, so why the fuss?
The sacred institution called marriage has been trivialized and totally rubbished in recent times, it makes me wonder why we get married at all. If a marriage is no different from dating, then why can‘t some people just date and not get married if that will give them the leverage of breaking up at any point in time when they suddenly don’t feel good in that relationship or being with that supposedly God-sent partner anymore?
Why be in a marriage that offers choices for you to explore like it’s been practised in the so called civilized societies where a wife is free to bring in a man she wants to bonk into her husband’s house and intense sexual activities ensue in the full glare of the husband (same goes for her hubby)?
There are even instances where they decide to do a swinging as we saw in award winning movie, ‘IJE’ or partake in sex orgies. Also, there are situations where the wife organizes her friend or probably a prostitute for her husband to service adequately with no holds barred. In other bizarre circumstances the wife joins in the act to make it a threesome. Both take turns to indulge ‘the lady in red’ in their explicit sexual exposition in ways you are already imagining. It even happens with the man too; it’s vice versa. I suppose the couples are bisexual so they could get married and still exercise their sexual orientation in diverse ways only God can judge. These bizarre occurrences in marriages are gradually creeping into our cultured African society as is the case with open marriages which are forbears of open relationships. Our entertainment industry is a testament to that, where celebrities tie the nuptial knots just to fulfill all righteousness.
They call it adventure; others say it is a way to stop cheating, while a lot more think it brings excitement to marriage considering the fact that you have to spend the rest of life with that one special person. And I wonder how that person remains special after the aforementioned unholy preoccupations.
Why get married at all if the whole essence of marriage has been ridiculed? That institution called marriage has really been dealt cruel blows by man and if it were human, he would have gone on a killing spree that even a serial killer will be no match to his thirst for blood.

70% of young men in the US are unmarried because legal marriage in the USA gives women too much power. A true test of love, would you say? Anyway we are not in the United States.
These days 5 out of 10 marriages end in a divorce. Wait! You’ve not heard the worst yet; over half the marriages entered into today will end in a divorce/separation, doesn’t matter the number of years it last. So why go through all the public announcements, ceremonies, glitz and glam, if the end thereof is a divorce or the so called adventures. Why can’t we just continue living our reckless single lives? Isn’t that much better than being entangled in a holy matrimony that ain’t holy? At least it will save us the stress of having so much explaining to do on judgment day. Life itself is too much risk for us, why add the risk of getting married when you haven’t been able to scale through the numerous dating hurdles.

Marriage is so serious that if you have the slightest reservation about who you are getting married to then you shouldn’t join the bandwagon. If you do then divorce is not so far away from your wedding, even if you have set the wedding date, please don’t get married till you are sure you’ve seen no end to getting married to that special someone.
If all you think about when you see that special someone is sex then you guys are better off as bed mates than partners. We have a lot of them in Hollywood.

I will quickly talk about some issues that we rarely dwell on as a problem when marriage comes into perspective;
“She’s a doctor, I should get married to her”
“He’s an engineer, we look good together”, abeg no try am!
There is more to marriage than professional advancements.
If you are scared of losing your partner while in a relationship for reasons only known to you, then the same reasons will make you eventually lose him before you get married, and if the devil is specifically on your case he will wait till you guys get married before the imaginable happens.

How many couples are actually married without an iota of regret?
If a guy/girl does as much as slap you while you are in a relationship with the person please think twice before you walk down the aisle with him/her; Physical abuse/ domestic violence is not so far away.
If you want to get married because he/she has been financially responsible for almost all your life’s dealings; more like he/she made you the person you are today. Then marrying him/her will be more like an obligation. Let your case not be like the newest trending quote:
“I belong to everybody yet belong to nobody”. Trust me, he could murder you for it depending on his temperament. It has happened in the past and still happening with reckless abandon.

Though love and hate are opposites only a thin line separates them
If the problems or the challenges you face in your relationship doesn’t improve then don’t assume it will improve in marriage.
If you are an unrepentant gay and you think getting married will be unfair to your partner then don’t try it, except you want God to punish you. Marriage itself has its own demons why bring your personal demons into it? And if you were gay and along the line your sexual orientation changed, let your partner know about it; you can only die once.

Lonely bride
And if you are going down the aisle basically because of pressures, I don’t know what to say to you…The same people pressurizing you will be watching your marriage in 3D
Uhm…this one is quite a sensitive one. You know I haven’t really talked about money and love in relationships yet, right? if I attempt to I fear this article won’t end, moreover that has been overemphasized in many other articles online. However, trust me I’m still gonna talk even if it’s just a sentence.
Don’t marry that man/woman because of love or money neither should you marry that man/woman without both…confused? All I’m saying is that there should be other genuine reasons you are getting married asides these two, let’s leave it that way. That’s does it.

Don’t marry for love and money, don’t marry without both either
Never ignore that subtle voice of reason in your head that tells a different story from the Nollywood tales you are accustomed to. That subtle voice is the reality you ain’t seeing yet.
A lot of youth don’t even have the slightest idea what marriage is about before they tie the nuptial knots. Please let’s get serious about this sacred institution, its more risky than dating; It’s till death do you part. Why do we have to marry if we don’t see divorce as any different?
Do you ever wonder how some couples manage to live together for years yet not married or near breakup? It’s because their minds and their brains are bereft of the idea of marriage, its commitments and sacrifices. They are still excited living their lives as singles though staying together. Marriage is a mindset, you have to format your mind and brain to the idea of being married, and you also have to realise it ends single life almost in its entirety. Above all you must be able to answer this question when asked at any point in your single life:

A man sheds tears on his wedding day when he imagines the beautiful future ahead, yea?
“Why do you want to get married?”
My dear, your answer to that question determines your readiness or if marriage is even meant for you at all
You wanna hear the truth?…I don’t even have an answer yet, probably I will before I end this article
Marriage is a hard decision, arguably the hardest decision you make in life depending on how you see it. The moment you start viewing it that way the better it is for you. If not, please continue being single, no be by force. The truth I know as always been bitter except you know another.

Why get married when you still have doubts?
Many ladies spend their single lives thinking about that perfect wedding and how glamorous their wedding will be so much that they forget that the ceremony itself is short-lived. Eventually no one cares about your wedding; your marriage is all that counts!
While many bachelors think about how stupidly expensive wedding is to the point that they drive thoughts of getting married from their sub-conscious.
If you must postpone that wedding because you don’t know why you are getting married in the first place, then please do. Postponing a wedding doesn’t mean you will not get married, it simply means you are not ready to take that final step. Remember, love doesn’t have a deadline.

An Indian wedding
Most importantly, be happy you are getting married not just for the ceremony that follows but for the beautiful future you envisage with your partner. If the future you see struggles with beauty and only dwells in the financial gains, In šāʾ Allāh! You will struggle in that marriage, no be swear.
Come to think of it, why would anyone want to wake up next to the same person day after day while you watch them sleep? God help you if the person you wake up next to is annoying and its going to be like that for 40 years or more. Chai! That’s suicidal; you will probably be planning their demise as you watch them sleep. We’ve seen, watched and heard the aforementioned scenario time and time again. That happens when you marry without really having a genuine reason why you did.

Eventually no one cares about your wedding, the marriage is all that counts
Next time a marriage proposal comes knocking on your door, don’t be carried away by that diamond ring, be certain you’ve thought about all the risks involved before you take that next leap of faith; that big and hard decision.
God help us all.
Lekan Linkin Lofinji
(Relationship Aficionado)